If I were a boy. (in the eyes of a female dog)

If I were a boy even just for a day
I'd find a hydrant in the morning,
Relax my leg, think of rivers
and go...drink right from the spout

and chase after cars
I'd kick it with all my bitches
and I'd mount them from behind, humping
'Cause they would be in heat

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
how it feels to be de-sexed
I swear I could understand

'bout being neutered
'Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the things you needed
'cause you're taking them for granted
and both your testicles got destroyed.

If I were a boy
I would chase after bones
Bark at everyone who comes close
So they'd understand to leave it alone.

Put my owners first
And obey the rules as I grow
Cause I know that I'd be faithful
Waiting for them to come home, to come home

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
Look! I see a squirrel
I have a short attention span.

I'd mess on the rug
'Cause I'd feel the urge
When you heard the word NO
'Cause you've done it days ago
and everything around had got soiled

It's a little too late to go on the attack
Say it's just a mistake
They won't forgive you like that
Teaching old dogs new tricks...Well You
You thought wrong

But I'm just your bitch
You don't listen to commands
And you don't understand, oh
How it feels to birth a litter
Someday I wish I was on the... giving end.

You don't mist in the dirt.
You don't bleed til hurts.
Until you lose the sleep you wanted
'Cause your teets create a fountain
the litter sucks on til there's no more
But you're just a boy.